Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
