i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
