Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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