People in love make me want to vomit
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
