fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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