Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
