We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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