you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
