Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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