I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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