I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
and she was petting her beer can
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
