When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
