halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize