You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
