Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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