I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
