sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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