Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize