What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
