Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
