well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
