p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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