a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm having to shit out rocks
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