Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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