hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
