i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
