How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
