...so i touched it.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
do nipples grow back?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
