Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
