Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
