Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
