I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
