my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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