listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
