Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
