Just fell off a train. Bad.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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