your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
