Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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