I want to walk on stilts...naked
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
