I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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