Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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