im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
