I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
