but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I did not marry a roomba.
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