he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
