Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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