Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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