I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
