super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
