Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
