what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
